just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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