I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
