Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
