I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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