after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
