She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
