planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
