Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
