I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
