I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
false alarm, still single
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
