Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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