We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I bet he comes in French.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
