It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
