She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
