The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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