When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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