And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
