after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
