it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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