I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
