I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
