either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
