she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
