Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
