Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
