What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
