I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Randomize
