And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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