you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
