She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
