the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
