There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
