About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize