god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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