just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
