When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
