Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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