I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
