there was a trapeze. enough said
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
