I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
