I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
