I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
