Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
