The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
only you would photoshop your dick
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
