It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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