yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
