okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
