Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
