Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
