I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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