I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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