i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
