You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
