the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
