he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
