C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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