just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
