Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize