It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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