when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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