Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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