I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
