Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
