So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
