C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
