just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize