I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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